How to be Single When You Don’t Want to be Single

I would love to be married. The whole idea and concept of marriage sounds wonderful to me. I want the perfect engagement, beautiful wedding, and amazing marriage that I’ve seen among my friends and family. I know that no marriage is flawless, but even still, I want one!

But here’s the thing – I am very, very single. I just graduated college and while I was there, I tried to flirt with all of these great Christian guys but with no real luck. The best ones were either taken or uninterested. For a while, I fervently prayed to find my future husband but when my final semester rolled around, I had to give in to the fact that I would graduate single.

Don’t get me wrong, I like being single! I’m not desperate by any means and I am (mostly) content to wait for the right guy to come along. This doesn’t mean I’m not still ready to be in a relationship. I am constantly surrounded by people who are in relationships which just makes it that much harder to be patient. For a long time, I’ve needed to cope with singleness far better than I am now.

Recently, I made a purchase that I’m only slightly embarrassed to have made. It’s a book called “Not Yet Married: The Pursuit of Joy in Singleness and Dating.” There’s a line in the introduction of the book where the author, Marshall Segal, says “I also believe he withheld marriage to draw me closer to himself and to allow me to use my gifts to serve others while I was still single.” This line hit me HARD. If there is one thing that comes with being single, it’s freedom. You never have to run ideas or plans past anyone else and are free to execute them whenever and however you see fit. If I decided to jump at an opportunity to do mission work, I could. If I wanted to spend my days off work volunteering at local nonprofits, I could. My time is for God – no husband in the picture.

In Genesis, Adam was hanging out in the garden of Eden alone for a while, and that was fine, but he was definitely in need of something more – enter Eve! So the Bible literally begins with a story about marriage. God created marriage to be beautiful and holy, and for a husband and wife to work together on their path to righteousness. This doesn’t mean that someone who doesn’t have a spouse can’t do God’s work! Look at Paul – he never married and he wrote thirteen books of the Bible. I say all of this to say that marriage is good but singleness is also good.

I’ve had a hard time coping with being single. I can remind myself of Paul all day long but that doesn’t mean I don’t wish for a husband. However, slowly but surely, I’m coming to terms with the fact that my possibilities right now are endless! As a single person, my challenge to all of the singles out there is to take advantage of the time you have right now. Take chances, go on adventures, and serve God in every way that you can. This is your time to be single – don’t waste it wishing to be married!


  • Waydanne

    It was great to read this and know someone else is going through the same thing! I recently graduated college as well and have been coming to terms with still being single. I have found that I have more time to be an instrument in God’s hands to help and serve those around me. I am also growing so much in my relationship with Him! I have found that focusing on those two things, my life has been happy and rewarding! Keep blessing those around you with your time!

  • Phyllis Rommens

    Hannah, I love this! Enjoy your freedom; God will give you a good Christian husband in His time if it’s His will. You are a precious jewel of a young woman.

  • Sarah

    Love this so much!

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