What is the thing that drives you to fear? Maybe it’s the thought of losing your sense of security. That security may be found in your job, your relationships, or your reputation. Really, fear can be found in anything. Any aspect of our lives can be confiscated by fear if we let it. But fear, and the reasons why we might be fearful, may not be rational. They may even be all lies. So where does this fear come from then?
Growing up in church, I’ve often heard the phrase “fear comes from the devil.” And I don’t consider that to be entirely untrue. If our fears are irrational and lies, wouldn’t it be fitting that the father of lies, Satan, has put these things into our lives to cripple us?
I’m not sure if it’s just me, but regarding this current generation and the labels that it bears, the most prominent would be anxiety. We are an anxious generation. We are anxiety ridden. But why? For what reasons? Why are we so anxious, why are we so worried?
I’m not pointing fingers. If anything, this is specifically aimed towards me. I was on anti-anxiety medication for a while. I’m no stranger to anxiety, and I’m no stranger to fear.
Right now, in my life, I’m going through what may be the most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with personally. My sense of security and me trying to control things is abruptly coming to an end. I am twenty years old and am still living at home. I go to a community college in my town and I am a nanny. I knew this part of my life wouldn’t last forever; it was never meant to. Seasons come and go, that’s just a part of life. But soon in the future, I’m transferring to a university. This means moving three and a half hours away from the town I grew up in and leaving behind my parents, my friends, and my job. My whole life right now is planted in my hometown. What is bad about this situation, though, is the control issue I’m having. The sense of fear. I’m moving to a college that my brother has been attending, which is nice, but it’s a bit of a security blanket for me. But that’s all that I’ll have from home. To get back to the life I’m living now would be to prevent any possible growth in my life. It would be stagnant, and I would be settling.
It’s just crazy, and I know this all sounds silly. It seems like it’s really no big deal. But, when you’re a kid, you think about moving away and being an adult. You dream about being in charge and eating ice cream for breakfast. It’s a fantasy that seems so far away. But then one day, you wake up and you’re twenty, and you’re expected to be an adult when you still feel like a kid. You still feel so unqualified and defeated. It’s like you always wanted the day to come where you’d be an adult, but now that it’s finally here, you’d do anything to turn back time.
The thing is, even though my brother will be with me at this college, that’s my only sense of “home” there. He won’t be there forever, he’ll graduate before I do. But this is the thing that God has been showing me:that I haven’t truly been trusting in Him alone. I’ve been trusting in my efforts. I’ve been trusting in my sense of security. It’s time for me to grow up, to be an adult, and to trust God ultimately. Because, even if I was moving to a college where I wouldn’t know anyone or anything there, I would still have God. No matter where I go, I will still have God. The ways of the world can easily take away the temporary things in our lives. We live in a fallen world. But no matter what happens, God can never be taken away from us. The connection and relationship we have with Him cannot be taken from us, no matter how hard anyone tries. In life, God is here. In death, He is there. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. That’s the whole point.
I’ve asked God to give me situations to step out in faith, to grow closer to Him. I’ve concluded that this is it. God is so good at His job. He is so good at showing up. We may resist the opportunities He gives us, but He calls us to obedience. I’ve been learning that even if the grass withers, and the flowers fade, the word of our God will stand forever. (Isaiah 40:8). If I don’t have anything else in this life, I still have God. No matter where I go in this life, I’ll still have Him. My faith will ultimately be made stronger because of this, and God will be glorified. What could be better?
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